The Ten Faces of Recovery

Recently I became cognizant of a certain degree of recovery from mental illness on my part. My most recent depressive episode was a week ago when I called in sick to my volunteer job. Apart from that I've been in mostly good spirits lately. I think the reason for what I suspect might well be a significant amount of recovery from the doldrums of alternating between emotional highs and lows is tenfold:

1. Having friends: Max, Main, John Newell. In the past few months I've developed a friendship with Max, brother of my close friend Constance. My friend Main calls me from time to time, and more rarely I visit him at the flea market where he works on weekends, selling perfume. I spent a weekend with my childhood friend John Newell in June, after not seeing him for over 40 years.
2. My close friend Constance used to be homeless and lived in shelters, but not long ago she moved into permanent subsidized housing, and recently it became apparent that it's likely she will be able to hang onto that housing, despite her behavioural issues.
3. I was worried that my cleaning lady quit, and I told my brother, who suggested that I call her. I did so and got no answer, but she returned my call the same evening, and she hasn't quit after all (that was 2.5 weeks ago).
4. I sent an email to a former co-worker named Robin, saying that I had feelings for her, but she did not reciprocate. That was about a month ago and I'm over the disappointment of her lack of reciprocation.
5. I sent an email to Diane, one of my students at my volunteer job where I'm a computer tutor. I am developing a website for her, and I asked her if she wanted to go the museum with me, but she didn't reply. That was 10 days ago, and 3 days after I sent the email was when I called in sick, due to the disappointment of not receiving a reply. Now I'm over that disappointment.
6. I decided to follow my doctor's advice and start exercising, by going for brisk 30-minute walks every day. So far I've done that 3 days in a row, but skipped it today.
7. I decided to follow the other part of my doctor's advice, to eat more fruits and vegetables. I vowed to buy apples, bananas, and stuff to make salad every 8 to 12 days. Today I bought 3 apples and 4 bananas, but haven't eaten any of them yet.
8. I decided to follow my dental hygienist's advice to floss my teeth regularly. So far I've only flossed them once, 3 days ago, but I intend to do that every other day. Today I bought a flosser that looks like a toothbrush with no brush but a hole in the tip that holds a disposable U-shaped plastic thing with a string of dental floss connecting the tops of the U.
9. I made some rough calculations that seemed to indicate that the money I inherited from my mother's estate would last well into old age, even if my future earned income is zero. Prior to that I was worried I'd have to eventually either seek employment as a computer programmer or start a successful dot-com to avoid outliving my money. Realizing that my math was shaky, I created a spreadsheet which validated my rough calculations. Five days ago I met with my financial advisor, who confirmed that my spreadsheet assumptions were valid.
10. Most importantly, after making my spreadsheet I decided to go ahead with 2 software projects: an image collection manager and the implementation of a new programming language I designed called Lyvathon. Just the other day I decided to merge those 2 projects into a single project: an image collection manager that lets you also create websites, and Lyvathon is the server-side language used to create dynamic, advanced websites (not all of the websites created by my users make use of Lyvathon).

I probably won't send that email I referred to in an earlier post, with the subject line: "Mental illness: a thing of the past". By Friday I should be finished developing Diane's website, so I can work on Lyvathon.org this weekend. Now I'm going to have an evening snack of 2 slices of processed cheese. Life goes on; no more depression for me, or at least a lot less of it, thanks to the above 10 reasons for my recovery.

Winning the Battle with Mental Illness

I am tentatively declaring victory in my battle against mental illness. As soon as I get into 4 new habits (walking every day, flossing my teeth every other day, buying fruit/salad stuff every 8 to 12 days, working on Pixtrium.com most days) then my victory declaration will no longer be just tentative. Instead I will send an email I wrote yesterday and today to 13 people, most of whom I am close to, and that email will in fact declare victory over mental illness. I expect to continue being mildly depressed every now and then for up to a day. I will also forward my victory declaration to 2 other people who each work for organizations which have helped me, so a total of 15 people will receive my victory declaration (which includes a link to this blog). I didn't get around to working on Pixtrium today, but hope to do so tomorrow for at least 2 hours. Guess I'll publish this and go to bed soon. I love the smell of napalm in the evening -- it smells like... victory!

The Decade Ahead

Today I met with my financial advisor, who confirmed the assessment I previously made about my financial situation: I am comfortable and can survive on investment income alone. I plan to implement Pixtrium.com, and then implement Lyvathon.org. Pixtrium is a medium-sized project which will enable me to learn Python, Flask, and server-side web programming. Lyvathon is a very ambitious project: implementing a somewhat experimental new programming language. It won't be as powerful as either of the 2 existing programming languages it is most similar to: Python and Java. However it introduces elements of a very old (only Fortran is older), rather unconventional language called Lisp, so in that respect Lyvathon is creative, even, dare I say it, innovative. Implementing Lyvathon will enable me to learn Java and Android app programming. Eventually, when Lyvathon development is fully underway, I intend to get a Google Nexus 6 smartphone from Wind, which costs $600 plus $35 per month. At that time I probably won't need a landline anymore. I probably won't bother implementing AppaTeach.org, my tutoring website.

Five days ago I asked Diane (in an email) if she wanted to go the museum with me, but she didn't reply to my email. I probably won't date Diane, for whom I am almost finished developing her website. Having a girlfriend is not a big priority for me. Nevertheless, I am more self-confident now than in my youth, so a girlfriend might well land in my lap, you never know.

Tomorrow I'm going to go for a brisk 30-minute walk after breakfast and my first cup of coffee in the morning. I've been meaning to clean up my act, health-wise, for years now, but this summer I really must follow through on that. I have to get into the habit of flossing my teeth every other day, going for walks, and making a special trip to FreshCo to buy fruit and salad stuff, in between my larger grocery shopping trips once every 8 to 12 days (so I would instead go there once every 4 to 6 days). I believe in the ascetic life: no smartphone, no TV, no Netflix, little or no reading non-computer books, going to my volunteer job 2 hours a week. Lots of lying on the couch, which may be reduced once my software development projects are underway (starting tomorrow after lunch and my 3rd cup of coffee). So anyway, that's my 3-paragraph plan for the next decade of my life. More lying on the couch until bedtime, after I publish this.

Network Troubleshooting

My Internet stopped working yesterday but today I was successfully able to troubleshoot it. I called tech support at my ISP (Internet provider), and he helped me get the Internet working on my Windows laptop, but it still didn't work on my main Linux desktop. He suggested that I upgrade the firmware of my modem, and search a Linux knowledgebase to find out how to restore my Internet connectivity. I then uninstalled a tool called Flask, which I'd installed yesterday right before my Internet stopped working, and that restored my Internet but it was very slow. I then called Erjon at tech support, telling him in a voice mail about my success with restoring the Internet (but it was slow), and that I had the wrong modem version (3.2 as opposed to 1). He then called me back and I told him I had both wired and wireless connections enabled on my Linux desktop, and he suggested I try to narrow down the problem to either wired or wireless, and suggested I buy a new modem. I then disabled the wired Internet connection on my desktop and that solved the problem of slow Internet, and then I emailed Erjon about my troubleshooting victory.

I solved another network-related problem today, after fixing my Internet. I was unable to access the Flask-based web server on my desktop from my laptop (even after reinstalling Flask once my Internet was working again), but using Google I found out I had to use something called iptables to fix that problem. Then I had to use Google again to find out how to make my changes to iptables permanent, so they would work after system shutdown and restart. Now everything's working beautifully. I was depressed yesterday and spent most of the day in bed, but today I wasn't depressed. Tomorrow I'm going to continue learning about Flask, which I will use in the process of implementing web-based server-side Python code for my Pixtrium.com project. I had a late dinner this evening so I won't have an evening snack. Bedtime is in one hour. Mission accomplished: my Pixtrium project is back on track.

Pixtrium

I designed a tool called Pixtrium.com, which is a website that lets you keep track of your image collection. These images are usually pictures of attractive women. I am currently learning a tool called Django, and when I'm finished that I will begin implementing Pixtrium.

Tomorrow I'm going to ask Diane out (she is the woman for whom I'm developing a website), to the museum. She previously said she would obtain a MAP pass, which lets you get into museums for free, but then she forgot about it. I'm almost finished developing her website. Now that I've started Pixtrium, my other 2 projects, AppaTeach.org and Lyvathon.org, have been moved to the back burners.

All Systems Go

I've been in good spirits since the beginning of this month, especially the past couple of days. My financial situation is in good shape. My cleaning lady stopped coming, and I told my brother, who suggested I call her. I did so and there was no answer, and then she called me back a while later. Yesterday I had dinner at her place and she's coming 2 days from now to clean my condo. She had stopped coming (temporarily) because she's had a lot of worries and problems lately. I will suggest to her that if it's a burden for her to clean my condo, then she only has to come half as frequently. The vacuum cleaner bags I ordered for my cleaning lady arrived a couple of days ago. I intend to date a woman named Diane, whose website I've almost finished developing. She had previously agreed to go to the museum with me, but she is a very busy person and it must have slipped her mind.

The most important thing is that this afternoon I resumed going through my Django tutorial, which is the first step in implementing my AppaTeach.org tutoring website. After dinner I intend to finish Part 2 of the tutorial. I enjoy using Django and Python a lot more than using PHP, which I had used for the original version of AppaTeach. I abandoned that version after implementing user authentication and initialization/display (not editing) of the Subject Tree.

I have kind of settled into a routine of eating breakfast, drinking coffee, visiting cbc.ca and reading the news, having lunch, drinking more coffee, and then (more recently) working on AppaTeach. In the future I will spend less time lying on the couch and vegetating, however I intend to take it easy until after dinner, when I will resume the tutorial.